


happy

by softambrollins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Castiel Makes a Deal with The Shadow (Supernatural), Episode: s15e18 Despair, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27287260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softambrollins/pseuds/softambrollins
Summary: "We're running out of time," Cas tells him urgently. "Nothing's gonna stop Billie. Except for… Dean, we have to summon The Empty."Dean narrows his eyes in confusion. "I thought The Empty couldn't come to Earth.""It'll come for me," Cas promises.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 17
Kudos: 140





	happy

**Author's Note:**

> This probably makes no sense but I just have a lot of ~feelings. Based on _that_ scene from the 15x18 promos, obviously.

They're running for their lives. It isn't an unfamiliar experience, they've gotten pretty used to it by now, but somehow it feels different. It almost feels like flying out of Hell with Dean held tightly in his grasp, legions of demons chasing after them. They could outrun them then but now, part of him thinks maybe this is when their luck finally runs out for good. They manage to barricade themselves inside the room and then everything just goes incredibly silent. Maybe it's just to lull them into a false sense of security. Maybe she's going after Sam and Jack instead, on the other side of the bunker. Jack's still alive at least, but weak, and Sam has the best shot at finding a way to stop Death, at least for a while, to get them a way out of this. They'd separated only to buy as much time as they could.

He only now registers that his hand is still bleeding, fresh blood dripping onto the floor from his palm. It had been sliced right through by Billie's scythe, as he only just managed to get in front of Dean as she was bearing down on him, delaying the inevitable for just one more moment. He doesn't even think about healing it. There's no time. It doesn't matter anyway.

And somehow, he looks at Dean now, frantic and fraying at the edges, and he knows what he has to do.

"Dean, she's coming. Death is coming," he tells him, voice calm and even.

"I know, I know," he says distractedly. "We just have to hold her off, for a while. Sam will come up with something, to get us out of here."

"No, no, you _don't_ —" Cas interjects.

"Cas, I _can't_ ," he says, looking him right in the eyes now, expression utterly lost and broken. "I thought Chuck was the worst thing. I thought living like _this_ , in his fucking hamster wheel, was the worst fucking thing in the world. I'd rather be _dead_ than — I almost let Jack _die_ for —" 

He cuts himself off with a small gasp, eyes haunted and regretful, and then he takes a deep breath, setting his jaw firmly with determination again. 

"But we can't let Billie win. If she does, everything goes back to where it should be. You — you go back to Heaven. For good. And I never see you again —"

"Dean, it's too late," he says quietly. "Death's coming for both of us. We've both been resurrected, too many times to count now. We shouldn't be here. None of this should've happened. She's just cleaning it all up. The mess we made."

"Yeah, I know. But you heard what Chuck said. You're the only one who rebelled, made your own path, chose free will and humanity over everything else. Tore up the script and threw it in the fire. And I was so fucking stupid for not seeing that. Sam was right. _This_ is real. It was _all_ real. We _chose_ it. And Chuck couldn't do a damn thing about it. And we can't let it all go back to —" 

There's a loud sound from outside, like a door being blasted clean off of its hinges. And it's very close now. 

"We're running out of time," Cas tells him urgently. "Nothing's gonna stop Billie. Except for… Dean, we have to summon The Empty."

Dean narrows his eyes in confusion. "I thought The Empty couldn't come to Earth."

"It'll come for me," Cas promises.

Dean's eyes go wide now, something like stark terror falling over his face. " _What?_ What are you talking about?"

"I made a deal. When Jack died. So The Empty wouldn't take him..."

Dean scoffs quietly, shaking his head, mouth twisted into an ugly grimace. "You offered up yourself instead," he finishes gravely. "You _stupid bastard_."

Dean grabs him by the front of his coat and pulls him in, shakes him roughly, eyes pooling with tears. "Goddammit, Cas, _why_?" he demands. 

"I had to," Cas says, with a tone of finality. "You know that. You've sacrificed yourself enough. For the people you love."

Dean just looks at him, a few stray tears spilling free, and then lets him go with a defeated sigh.

"So how long do you got?" Dean says, voice cracking into tiny pieces.

"Well, it's up to me, I guess. I thought maybe it would never happen…" Cas says, almost to himself. "But now, Death's gonna take me anyway. So maybe I can give the rest of you a chance at least."

"Well, what's the fucking _point_ then?" Dean bursts out furiously.

"Sam tricked The Empty. Back in Death's library. He told it that Billie sent him to get the book. Maybe we can trick it again. It's our only chance. And either way, Death won't interfere if The Empty comes for me now. So you need to get away as soon as you can. Don't look back. Just run. _Promise_ me you will, Dean," he says, meeting his eyes unblinkingly.

"Cas, _no_ , I'm not letting you do this. I'm not _leaving_ you. Not again," he protests. And Cas has never loved him and hated him more for his beautiful, terrible, _human_ stubbornness.

"You _have_ to, Dean. It's _my_ choice," Cas tells him earnestly. "Because if you die, everything I did was for nothing. You fought for this whole world. You fought for everyone. You fought for me. So many times. You did enough. You did everything you could. I just want you to _live_. And be happy. _Please_ , be happy, Dean. For me."

Dean shakes his head violently, eyes filling with uncontrollable rage and heartbreak. " _No_ , Cas, not without you. I can't — I _won't_ —"

Cas curls his hand tightly into Dean's shoulder, leaving dark, blood-red stains behind. He touches his other hand to his face gently. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Cas, no — _Cas_ ," he exhales sharply, like a sob. 

Cas leans in and finally lets himself brush his lips over Dean's, softly, reverently, feeling everything else in the universe slip away from him at once. Dean clutches back at him and keeps him there, his body shaking a little against him, and Cas can feel warm tears on his cheeks right next to his own.

And then he makes a soft noise against his lips and breathes out and kisses him back, harder and more desperate, like this is the only thing he's ever wanted, like maybe this is what he needs to be happy too. He puts his hands on Cas's face and kisses him for what feels like an age, gentle and sweet and longing and deep, everything he's ever wanted it to be, like they've been doing this forever, like they should've been doing for years.

A light, warm sensation falls over him, a feeling he's never quite experienced before, safe and soft and inviting like _home_ — He's an Angel of the Lord and he's known the power of God himself, the beauty of creation, the wonder and chaos of all life and possibilities across the infinite universes, but he's never felt anything so close to true peace and contentment. And it's a miracle and a marvel that Dean Winchester can still surprise him like this after all this time. It feels like the first time he can really _breathe_ in years and centuries and there's a faint smile drifting over his lips for just a second as they finally break apart.

He pulls back just a little, both of them still clinging close to each other, his forehead pressed against Dean's. He traces his gaze over Dean's features for the last time, until it hurts just a little too much.

"I'm gonna find a way to save you. If it's the last thing I do," is the last thing Dean says because he's Dean and that's what he does, he never stops fighting. Even if it's beyond all hope. And Cas doesn't want him to ever change.

"I love you," Cas tells him because he has to. Because Dean's who he chose. Who he will always choose. And that's real.

He closes his eyes. And waits.


End file.
